Are you Sad?
by togepilover
Summary: Yet another vignette about Faye's thoughts after Spike leaves. Slightly angsty.


Are you Sad?   
by Togepilover   
  
a cowboy bebop fanfic.   
I do not own Cowboy Bebop or any of its characters. I use their characters as my own little puppets for but a moment. They are owned by Sunrise. I promise to return them in one piece where I found them.   
"Are you sad?" is a song by Our Lady Peace off their CD Spiritual Machines.  I don't own that either..well I own the CD but not the rights. I don't like songfic, but I pictured Faye sitting their thinking and this song just seemed perfect as a mood piece for the background. The song says more about what is not said in her thoughts from Spike.   
  
  
  
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Faye pulled her knees to her chest. The light of a million shining stars barely pierced the blackness of the ship. Sobs wracked her body. Tears streaked her make-up but she had long ago given up caring. Her eyes were a hollow black-rimmed, pink mess. Why did he have to go? Why did he have to leave? She knew why. She knew his feelings of loyalty drove him to his kamikaze mission. He had fought the monster, beating its many-tentacled embrace back a thousand times. It was always there though, lurking in the shadows behind him. It followed him, haunted him, chained by men's stupid ideas she would never understand. Faye had never felt like she belonged anywhere. She had fled whenever she felt the smallest twinge of a desire to root. She had run and run in circles until she came back to the only place she found acceptance. Unfortunately, it was too late. She wouldn't burden herself with the idea she could have stopped him if she tried earlier. He was probably too far gone before she met him. Sometimes she had felt the monster come up behind her as well. She had felt its eyes on her, its breath on her neck, sending chills down her spine. Of course the monster had decided to spare her and consume Spike's beautiful Julia instead. She almost wished it hadn't. Her martyrdom might have turned him to her finally.   
  
Her memories were of little use now. Fifty years of cryogenic storage, two years of fugitive status, and less than one year of..a family, her memory might have been back but it was still so long ago it didn't quite seem real. She knew events and places but feelings like belonging, love, companionship, trust, these she was trying to experience like it was for the very first time. Pain, fear, loneliness and confusion had been her constant companions. Her will to survive was her only ally for a long time. She knew Jet would probably allow her to stay. He had a kind heart. The ride was over in many ways though. Sometimes it felt like he was the glue holding them all in one place. Jet, Ed, Ein and even herself had all been supporting players to him. He was the center of their world in ways. Without him it all fell apart.   
  
It all fell apart. Faye Valentine hated starting over. She was used to it, had done it many times, had been many people, but it still pretty much sucked any way you looked at it. The view outside the window was mocking her. A million stars shined on as they had for thousands of years. They had been there, unchanged, since before she was born, before she was frozen, before she awakened, before he left. She was mourning him before he was even dead. There was still a chance he'd make it. There was a chance he'd make it back, walk in with his poofy green head bowed, smack Faye on the head on his way past with a magazine, and flop down on the couch next to her. There was always hope. He had already survived so much. She started feeling a little better. She looked up for a moment, out the window of the Bebop just in time to see a flickering star. It blinked a few times then faded slowly away into nothing. It was then she knew he wasn't coming back. She buried her face in her hands and wept.

"Are You Sad?"   
  
Your life has been so hard   
It's been dried up angels that can't keep guard   
I'm trying to reach your hand   
But I'm on fire   
I never planned to fade... away   
Stay with me   
Stop pretending when they say that you're nothing   
  
Are you sad?   
Are you holding yourself?   
Are you locked in your room?   
You shouldn't be..   
  
I'm drowning inside your head   
Help me to answer   
Help understand   
But it's been so long since we talked like friends   
Please, forgive me,   
I'm just a man   
Whose makes mistakes   
  
Are you sad?   
Are you holding yourself?   
Are you locked in your room?   
You shouldn't be..   
  
-Our Lady Peace   
  



End file.
